AD/HD and younger students

I'm really mad. USA Today published a story that the youngest kids in a grade are frequently misdiagnosed with AD/HD and it is all over the news.  What's making me angry is hearing respected MDs speak of holding young for grade children back as a means of lowering the number of misdiagnosed children.  REALLY? 

Boy Drawing

As a psychologist specializing in learning challenges, I have some questions:

  • Are educators and pediatricians making sure that children are put in age appropriate situations at school? 
  • If evaluations are necessary, are they conducted by licensed professionals who base diagnoses on symptom profiles with age appropriate behaviors in mind?  

Teachers do not have the knowledge, expertise, or right to diagnose children with behavior disorders. They are invaluable contributors to the evaluation process. Children spend up to 6-hours of waking time per day at school. Every evaluation for issues occurring at school include at least one observation of the child at school as well as interviews with the teachers and all other professionals that interact with the child at school.  

They know our kids well and their observations should be respected.

BUT, symptoms for AD/HD must be present in multiple settings for the diagnosis to even be considered. So teacher concerns are not enough.

  • Do parents, teachers and pediatricians expect and accept that the younger children will behave differently than the older children when classrooms serve children with a likely age range of 15-18 months?
  • Are they aware that children with learning disabilities, anxiety, depression, and AD/HD often demonstrate the same symptoms and until those symptoms are identified, picked-apart, and studied systematically, it is not possible to make an accurate diagnosis? 

Kindergarten is not only about academics; teaching social skills is an important aspect of the curriculum. Consider if the children that are old for Kindergarten  are creating this mis-diagnosis problem – their behaviors are not necessarily grade appropriate if they are overly mature. 

There will always be a youngest child in every class.  The problem is the age range in classes has become huge and expectations are inconsistent and often inappropriate.  Rather than simply stating a date by which a child is allowed to start Kindergarten, states need to add a date by which children MUST start Kindergarten (particularly difficult given that many states do not require that children attend Kindergarten at all) so that the age range is restricted. 

Look at the research – the young for grade children do fine.  In fact, students from all places in the age range do fine. In later years, old for grade students disproportionately act out. They are bigger, stronger, have access to the car keys, and can write their own notes to leave high school whenever they want (and the school can’t share that information with the parents because the student is a legal adult). 

Finally, most of these articles also fail to note that “red shirting” Kindergarteners is only a phenomena in affluent communities.  Are well off children really that much less ready for Kindergarten than their poorer peers and if so, why?

Overhearing talk of drugs and sex

At some point in adolescence, my kids are going to hear someone they respect bragging about drugs and/or sex. The question is how will they react to that experience. Will they talk with me about it, avoid mentioning it or lie?

My friend's 13 year old son has a 17 year old mentor/friend. Together with other people, they went on a camping trip recently and at some point, the 13 year old overheard his friend talking about trying pot. The 17 year old was NOT talking about it with the 13 year old.

Smoking teenagers

The 13 year old came home and talked with his parents.  He told his parents that he was really disappointed in this 17 year old and that he thought what the 17 was doing was wrong.

They responded that they were so glad he told them about this. And they talked about why he was disappointed.  They didn't get angry or jump into action to talk to the 17 year old or his parents. 

In NurtureShock, Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman show that all children lie and parents cannot detect it.  They lie to protect us and to protect themselves and to fit in. They lie to copy us...what's a parent to do?

From Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman:

Increasing the threat of punishment for lying only makes children hyperaware of the potential personal cost. It distracts children from learning how their lies affect others. 

Lots of rules don't work either since parents cannot keep track, generally don't enforce consistently and children get good at avoiding getting caught.  It appears that most children lie to avoid confrontation (for themselves or their friends) - and that's what was so amazing about my friend's response to his son.  He didn't put his son in the position of ratting out his friend and he didn't start a confrontation.  He let his son talk it out with him and reach his own conclusion. 

It's never too early to create a relationship where your child can talk to you. I am thinking a lot about how I react and listen to my kids so that when they are 13, just maybe they'll share with me just like my friend's son did with him.

What are you doing to foster that sort of open dialogue while still conveying your values?

Tips for getting your kids ready to go back to school

I was shocked in June when Target was promoting Back to School - hadn't we just finished the school year. But now it's August and it's really time to start the "re-entry" process. Here's our back to school acclimation program that is more productive than a shock to the system on Sept. 1.

Tip One: Don't stop reading
Couple in background, rear view, sitting on grass beside lake, British Columbia, Canada.

We've encouraged reading throughout the summer and my eldest has an assignment to write a report on two books he's read. We let the kids choose books to read for the summer and enticed them with a slight extension to bedtime exclusively for reading. I'm pretty sure parents have been trying that trick for generations.

Tip Two: Clean the desks - but make it fun

My family has a paper problem and I'm pretty sure the sheets of paper have learned to reproduce in our welcoming environment. I hired an organizer to help me deal with my husband and my issues.  So far, so good and it's been a couple of months.  For the kids, we let everyone know that Saturday morning was desk cleaning day.  Dad led the removal of everything from the desks and the initial garbage disposal. Mom led the review of what to keep and what to relegate to memories.  Empty desks ready for the next year of work.

Tip Three: Take inventory

School supplies aren't particularly expensive, but so many of them come home at the end of the year that it seems wasteful not to re-use the ones that are still virtually new. We put all the existing inventory on the dining room table, tested pens, pencils, erasers, markers and more until we had everything sorted. Compared our inventory to the school supply list and highlighted what was left to buy.

Tip Four: Make a playdate

My kids go to a bunch of camps over the summer where they make new friends and explore their interests. Sometimes there's a schoolmate at these camps, but usually not. August is a great time to reconnect them with their friends. We're doing a Giants game with one friend. Working on more (social calendaring is not my strong suit). If your child is at school with my sons - want to have a playdate?

Tip Five: Talk about school positively

It doesn't take much for kids to realize that summer is a lot of fun. No homework. No tests. No reports. Lots of sports and fun. Our kids usually find school to be fun too (not like summer, but still fun) - they like learning and being with their friends. Instead of bemoaning the end of summer, we talk about what they're looking forward to in their next year of school and what they want to learn. We convey our own genuine excitement for the experience they're about to have at school. A little bit of the self-fulfilling prophecy - you get what you expect.

Tip Six: Squeeze lots of memories from the dog days of summer

Six Children Have a Water Fight Round a Paddling Pool in a Back Garden
We're going to extract every last morsel of summer from the season. My sons and husband are going camping/rafting this summer with Dads from our school. Next weekend, my kids join my parents in the mountains by a lake...while we get a couples weekend.  Then we go to the lake.  Tired yet? And there's the possibility of a short, impromptu family vacation when none of the kids have school. Of course, we don't get those sorts of vacations from work!  Have fun and good luck.

Tip Seven: Plan the afterschool activities

Our kids are pretty active and we want them to run around and play a lot after school. Because we both work, we need to put a little structure into that playtime. Each son gets to play one organized sport a season - their choice. They have music instruction. And they get to do something else they like - active. Sometimes two something else's depending on proximity. So now we're choosing what the activities will be (except for soccer, that has to be chosen in April for the fall season). It's fun and builds anticipation with the kids.

Tip Eight: Make a big deal of the haircuts

Somehow, my kids have fallen in love with the haircut experience. It's likely the lollipop for the little girl and the Pao de Queijo for the older two. But in any case, before they go back to school, they need to look sharp and making this a fun outing reduces the amount of complaining it could otherwise entail.

Tip Nine: Ask your friends for their tips

So?  What do you do to get the kids ready to go back to school?

 

 

I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms blogging program to be eligible to get a HarperCollins book set. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

Order your 100% grass-fed, kosher beef

For the last month, I've been exploring, researching and talking with people in the Bay Area (and beyond) about sourcing 100% grass-fed, kosher beef for our community.  And I'm pleased to let you know about two options to have this delicious meat on your table for the holidays and beyond.

First - a community grocery, Piazza's Fine Foods, is taking orders for both 100% grass-fed kosher beef AND empire kosher chicken.

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What's your appetite for 100% grass fed beef?

I've been researching the health benefits and logistics of buying 100% grass fed, kosher beef.  It's been a fun project, but now I'm at a decision point about whether to make this something I make happen (and invest) or just wait for someone else to do it.  And that is dependent upon you - and our community's interest in 100% grass fed beef, kosher or not.

Please take the following short and anonymous survey and let me know your thoughts.